Masculinity Doesn't Have to be a Bad Word

            The first time I was faced with my own masculinity as being a social problem rather than simply a gender defined trait was in 2015 after seeing Jennifer Siebel Newsom’s documentary “The Mask You Live In.” In this riveting film, masculinity is explored as an unhealthy identity adopted by men and passed down onto their sons. Admittedly, I had an unpleasant reaction while I watched people discuss the repercussions of perpetuating a socially harmful gender stereotype, but it was only because I recognized parts of myself- and my upbringing- in the negative descriptions presented.

            As is typical for many men who are approached with the concept of masculinity being “toxic,” I felt attacked and did not want to be subjected to suggestions that I was doing something innately wrong just by being a man. However, I gritted my teeth and tried to subdue the feelings of nausea until the documentary was over and I had to ruminate on past events and ideologies that once seemed normal to my former, masculine self. Instances of making inappropriate jokes, horsing around with friends, and embracing the old idiom of “boys will be boys,” were immediately tainted by a realization that I was not participating in healthy or socially responsible behaviour.
            This idiom was recently brought into the spotlight by Gillette's new corporate social responsibility campaign urging men to abandon their old views on what boys and men should do, no longer accepting what unhealthy behaviours we as a gender expect ourselves to do. The commercial that was at the forefront of the initiative was met with much controversy, attacking Gillette for describing masculinity as a negative word. Moreover, supporters of Gillette's message were identified as feminists (as if this label was supposed to carry a negative connotation itself). Consequently, men who feel attacked by this targeted message likely resent having to face their own faults- as I did watching "The Mask You Live In." However, as a fellow man who believes that masculinity can be a positive term if properly redefined, it is important to remember that feminists aren't trying to "one-up" men or try to be superior. To the contrary, feminists believe in equality rather than hierarchical dominance. To be honest, I personally don't see why there was such a controversial response to Gillette's campaign; it is not a controversial message, it is a necessary one.

            Having come of age during an era guided by films like the American Pie series and gangsta rap, I was led to believe as a child that society expected and tolerated males behaving poorly. By listening to the misguided, and indeed toxic messages, delivered by influential celebrities like Eminem flippantly describing rape and homophobia, how could young, easily suggestible boys not grow up thinking that misogyny and intolerance are normal? This misconception has allowed generations of men to conform to the outdated, albeit Neanderthal, masculine identity by being overbearing, insensitive, impulsive, and selfish. Although these traits do fall under the category of toxic masculinity, I do not subscribe to the notion that masculinity itself is synonymous with toxicity.

            Many describe men who act in this manner as possessing toxic or hyper (which sounds like it could be treated with Ritalin) masculinity tendencies, but I prefer the aptly named “immature masculinity.” This term isn’t exclusive to men, but also boys since even those who are immature in age, should not be immature in demeanor. It is an issue of teaching males from as early in their lives as possible to see themselves as proud, endearing individuals with the capacity to stray from outdated norms. By doing this, boys, young men, and adult men will be equipped with the invaluable ability to understand not only themselves, but others as well. This essential, in-depth understanding will provide a lifetime of insight, while avoiding decades of unneeded struggle and pain for all those involved.

            Masculinity is an intangible social and gender construct that is not set in stone and nor should it be. As our views on equality, tolerance, and inclusivity make leaps and bounds with each passing generation, so should masculinity change and improve towards an ideal identity. Rather than linking masculinity to overbearing sexuality, brute force, and emotionally delayed, masculinity can comprise core values such as understanding, compassion, and empathy- much like aspects of the femininity definition that has always been.

            Our collective goal should be working towards a future where masculinity and femininity are archaic terms, once used to describe stereotypes inherited from our ancestors. Eventually these will be no use for such gender stereotypes and strict definitions and these two labels will merely be replaced with the term “humanity.” When we have accomplished this goal, humanity can be an all encompassing, inclusive term for like-minded individuals sharing a common purpose with healthy values, beliefs, and ethics.